First of all, let me say, have you heard of this thing called Mercury going retrograde?
I am ignorant of astrology, even though I read my horoscope faithfully in Vogue (though I don't think they have it anymore, because their astrologist died. Seriously, I haven't seen it in there for MONTHS.I am just now realizing this.) Part of the reason behind my blissful ignorance is probably because I am from a Christian tradition that says, "I am the child of the Lord Jesus and He put the stars and planets in their place and therefore he is BEYOND all this mumbo-jumbo." And there are merits to that, of course, theologically - I can logically agree with that statement. But then the doubter in me plops her little red shoes out on the coffee table and says - "Well, we ARE human, and a part of this wild and crazy Creation and we're affected by the moon, aren't we? Hello, the tides? And so who's to say that the rhythm of the universe doesn't gently (or sometimes abruptly) shape our existence? It is all of God, right?" Sorry, I don't usually bring all this God talk to my blog. But this has been looping around my brain, and if anything, this whole mercury going retrograde has brought out the believer in me.
Yesterday I had an instance where communication broke down beyound repair, the brakes completely went out as I went down the mountain. I lost it, dissolving into tears ten minutes after I walked into work. Now that I look back on it, PMS was most likely a major player as well. After I calmed down, I said, "This is it! I believe in you, Mercury going retrograde!" That's right. I didn't blame it on Satan - there is very little I lay at his hairy feet.
(Today alone I've spoken with TWO dear friends and there were these complicated tales of miscommunication and plans being shot to hell and all I could say was, "It's Mercury, honey. Mercury going retrograde.")
Last night I had someone else in my life say, "Oh yeah, I heard you had a blog." Immediately I said, "It's not a 'Christian' blog. Don't get the wrong idea." I always feel compelled to tell them this, so that they don't wander in here expecting glorious songs singing the praises of John Wesley (who does rock, by the way) or dissecting a favorite praise song. I am completely uninterested in debating points of theology - I do enjoy a hearty discussion but please, don't ask me to defend my faith logically. It's not logic to me, it is part intuition, just the way my soul leans. I've stumbled about and asked lots of the hard questions and know that no matter how hard I try to live my life on my own terms, it's just not going to happen. The Divine always calls me, and She doesn't seem to mind that I wear kicky red shoes to the party.
I think that is the one thing my generation (and the one before I) is teaching the world; not to expect your next door Christian to be perfect. Not to have all the answers. What does that even mean? I've never been burdened with that expectation for myself. Others have judged me by their own standards, and I've fallen woefully short of their misguided and ignorant (and absolutely impossible) expectations. What I think is important about my particular flavor of Christianity is expressing love and acceptance and grace. It's just all about the grace, for me. To lighten someone's else's load, not because I feel obligated - because I truly want to help. I'm sure I've failed, I know I'm dreadfully selfish. But that's the thing about redemption. You just keep on going, with the faith that this life is going to make sense, and praying that the next day, the next moment will be better.
I don't know why I felt compelled to bring this topic to the blog. I just did. I guess I needed to say, "Yes, I'm a Christian who believes in Mercury going retrograde."