an open letter to my child

Dear sweet baby you,

Finally, after thinking that I would have to do this pregnancy old school and wait until you were born to find out what you are - you know, like they did in the dark ages, like when I was a wee infant, terrorizing my own mother with my heartbeat and making the doctors think I was TWINS -  I finally found a place to have an ultrasound that wasn't going to cost as much as three hours of college tuition.  Maybe one hour, or one minute, by the time you get to college.  Since Daddy and I really want to pay for your college one day, I know you appreciate this.  Never say Mama isn't thrifty, okay honey? I was going to see your Auntie Carrie in Georgia and she found a great place where all they do is ultrasounds.  It's a clinic where they can't not have ultrasound machines, because then they would be closed.  Defunct.

I was so nervous all day long, and tired, because I got up really really early. I went to school with Auntie Carrie to help out some of her students, and so I had to get up at 4:30 a.m. in order to get ready and get to school on time. I had the biggest cup of coffee because it was SO EARLY.  I'm sure I will apologize and confess to you that I just really couldn't kick the caffeine while I was pregnant with you and let this be one more time I apologize.  Of course my mom drank gallons of caffeine while I in her womb and I turned out marginally okay. But still, hopefully you will find bigger things to hold against me.   

We got to the place, and I had the world's largest bottle water I was gulping down, because they told me to drink water in order to see you better.  I have to confess to you that all I really wanted to see was your little tushie, because I was so ready to find out what you were.  The technician - a really nice lady, who told me she had been doing this for 27 years, and therefore I feel that we could trust her - handed me an Almond Joy bar to tell me if you were a boy or a girl.  Because I couldn't really remember you the old jingle from years ago, I was a little confused.  But I made the correct guess.

A boy! A BOY!

I know this is not very surprising to you, as you have been a boy your whole life now, but I was surprised.  I honestly thought I was having a girl.  Nearly everyone thought I was having a girl, probably because they'd seen me with your godsister, The Green Bean Kid, countless times.  It seemed pretty easy to think I would have a girl, but sweet boy, God knows what and who I needed, and that person is YOU.  Also, I think God likes to let us think that we're in control of this crazy life, and He likes to throw in some surprises to make life interesting.  You have made my life much more interesting already. I can't wait to introduce you to dinosaurs and bugs and trucks and all that boy stuff.  And Daddy will tell you all about guitars and computers. Your Grampy will tell you long stories about flying in helicopters and being in the Army.  Your Uncle Christopher will tell you how he used to drive me crazy, and give you good tips on how do to do the same, I'm sure. 

Also, I apologize for showing your unit to the entire Internet.  It's just I'm so very proud of you, and so is Daddy.  Don't worry, nearly every kid in the blogosphere has endured this embarrassment, and I'm sure they're fine.  If not, you'll have a very nice therapy group one day.  They may have to make a new Something Anonymous for this - a "My Parents Shared My Genitals on the Internet" Anonymous.

Seeing your little face - so like your Daddy, who is the handsomest guy in the world - I am utterly excited.  I am full of tears, hopeful and spilling over with awe.  And scared like crazy.  Someone told me today, "He will always love his mama."  I sure hope so, baby boy, because I sure do love you, and always, always will. I promise.  There are so many people who love you already - like your Daddy, your grandparents, and our friends, and all the people we go to church with, and all the people who read this blog, but I love you the most, because it's my job, the job and life I've always wanted, most of all. 

You are who I've waited my for, my whole life.  There is never a time where I didn't dream of being your mother. Once upon a time, when I was very unhappy and heartsick, I had a dream.  I dreamed of a dark night, and I was out in the middle of many fields, rather like the family farm.  Above me I saw red stars glowing, and then I found myself swimming in a pond, swinging a baby boy above my head. That dream gave me a lot of hope, that one day I would be a mother, that one day my very dream of dreams would come true. And here you are, you little dream explorer you.

Thank you for coming to Daddy and I.  Thank you for being you.

Comments

[Bethany]

Congratulations!! I thought it might be a boy since Beaux's family seem to be very good at the boy making business!!

Can't wait to meet him!

[Stephanie]

OH SAM! A BOY! I was even a good girl and didn't scroll down to the middle and forced myself to read with furious abandon until I got to that part.

He's handsome and wonderful and perfect.

And in 18 years he can join that anonymous support group with Jules. :)

[tinker]

Am I first? Boy oh boy! What an honor it is to welcome you to the wonderful wide world of the web, Baby Boy! First, I want you to know, I think you picked just about the best soon-to-be mama blogger on the Internets that you possible could have! Even though we've only met in cyberspace, having seen your Mama in blog-action with the GBK, I know there are going to be some amazing, grand and glorious adventures in store for you. Woo-hoo! Boy howdy, are there ever...
Congratulations, Sam - I'm so excited for you all! xo

[tinker]

Oops! I type to slow - not first after all, but all the sentiments are the same!

[Sheryl]

Congratulations, you two! Little boys are so much fun. I hope he's a snuggly one, like mine :o)

[lizardek]

I hope your little boy brings you as much joy as mine brings me :) Yay!

[Lori-Lyn]

Look at that little face! I'm so thrilled for you and the boy. He's a lucky guy.

[Elizabeth]

Yippee Kay-AYYY! Er, that's what little boys shout, non?

So exciting-- thanks for sharing-- we are ALL so happy for you and Beaux!!

[Marilyn]

Ah, there's the dream with the red stars... ;) He's a beauty! And you know I couldn't be happier for you and Beaux...for all of it. Huge love, sweetie. Beautiful post. And what a remarkable one for him to read someday.

[erina]

congratulations!!!!! so excited for you, for your growing family. what a wonderful sight to see, your buddy's little unit. it makes the experience all the more real. sweet sweet blessings!

[otter]

Waaahoooo! Oh, Sam, I am so happy for you. And I am so happy you didn't have to wait any more to meet your BOY! Huge congratulations to you and Beaux...I'm sending you big hugs :~)

[Edge]

Can't remember what I guessed. Did I guess boy or girl. Either way good to have a boy first.

~Jef

[la vie en rose]

congratulations sam! i have tears spilling from my eyes. i can remember the day i found out britton would be britton. it changed my relationship with him. up until that time i knew i was carrying a baby but it made such a big difference to know i was carrying britton. now i could talk to him personally and read him books and let him listen to music and plan his room and buy him clothes. it made it so much more alive and real. i'm so happy for you and i just know you will LOVE having a boy. they're fantastic!

[Irene]

oh that is just so wonderful Sam! congratulations!!!

[rachel]

congrats, sam! sugar and spice really is nice, but oooh, frogs and dump trucks and cute little sweater vests and clip on ties...that's fun times, I tell you. blessings to your sweet one inside!

[Rebekah]

Joy is SO contagious. You have set electric ripples dancing all over cyberspace. I've been laughing and clapping and laughing some more ever since I heard. Now he is real, and will become more real with every passing day - this little smart, sweet Baby Boy who already holds a piece of my heart! Love to you three!

[christina]

YAY YAY YAY! I'm so happy for you guys!

[love squalor]

eeeee! so amazing! i can already see how handsome he is!

[violetismycolor]

Congratulations on your boy! I have two of them, so I can tell you that having sons is awesome!

[rachael]

Little boys are the best. :)
Congrats!

[el-e-e]

Eeeeee, thrilled for you! Little boys just... I can't express how amazing it is to be the mama of a boy.

He is a charmer already! Congrats!

[Hope]

I can't stop smiling! I know how thrilling it is to finally know so you can really start connecting. I am so excited for y'all!

[Beth]

Oh I totally cheated and scrolled down to see whether the bambino had a willie or not, and then came back to read the rest later due to sick, screaming toddler. But fabulous, so fabulous. And also, whatcha think of the name willie, anyway?

[Teri]

Look at your squishy little boy!!!!! The Almond Joy thing is hilarious. I am so thrilled for you! More belly pictures, please!!!

[Pamela]

I'll let you in on a little secret . . I thought it was a boy. I told Melissa - "They are going to have a boy!" hehe :0) Again, I SOOOOOO excited for you and Beaux. I love you guys and you are ALWAYS in my thoughts and prayers.