month four and a half

Dear Thomas,

You are now four and a half months old, and I'm just now getting around to a letter.  Welcome to the rest of your life.  Your mama is a world class, should-have-a-gold-medal procrastinator.  But I can promise I won't procrastinate on the really big stuff, such as, your birthday.  While I can imagine that I would send cupcakes with you to school oh, a week or two late, because I couldn't find the PERFECT frosting or cupcake holder thingys, I do swear that I will try very hard not to do so. 

Also, maybe I won't send cupcakes at all.  How about brownies? I like brownies.  Just thinking ahead, here.

In the past month or so, you've monumentally changed. You are suddenly, very you, very Thomas - a funny little guy. This is simply the natural order of things, but as I look back at the few things I remembered to write down at the beginning of month four, it seems like old news.  Your fingers are constantly in your mouth. You got your shots, they sucked, and that's all we need to say about that order of business. You now know the joys of Benadryl, as we've dosed you off and on, trying to dry up the congestion that comes with Mississippi's funky non-wintery, schizophrenic weather system.  There was the week you discovered your feet -what a great week, I know! You loved your feet.  They were the best toys in the universe, handcrafted by God.  Now they are old news, who cares, everyone has feet.  Even though today, when we were shopping and you woke up, I pulled off your socks and kissed your feet, right in the middle of the Hobby Lobby aisle.  I'm sure people thought I was crazy, but they don't know just how kissable your feet are, and how I have to do it now, before your whole foot is bigger than my face.  This could happen before I know it, say, before you are out of diapers.

This past month is the month where you truly entered into your own laughter.  Many things will spark it, usually Daddy making ridiculous faces, and he will do anything to make you laugh.  Your laugh is deep, like dark, rich chocolate.  We like to laugh in this family - in fact, it's a major component of your Dad and I's relationship.  Laughter is a must, a constant.  You make us laugh on an average of a hundred times a day, your smile in the morning, your face happy to see this two funny people who make silly faces all the time.  You see, laughter is connected to joy - and you bring constant joy. 

There was also the week where you figured out how to HOLD ON.  You're now a biggish baby, where I can hoist you on my hip.  You bop along with me, and at first you held out your other arm, like you were navigating our path, finding your balance.  Now you're reaching for objects, such as, banana pudding.  You will grab my placemat or dangerously wave your hand towards your daddy's coffee.  While I love coffee with the kind of love that is reserved for long term relationships, and that means that I want to share its joy and goodness with the world, I will take many more years before you are allowed to have coffee.  It's a rite of passage, little dude.

Speaking of rites of passage - this past month, you were baptized.  This is something very special - mysterious - holy.  For years I have experienced and promised alongside our church family to "so order my life after the example of Christ" as I watched child after child be baptized - sung "Come, Be Baptized" for umpteen other children - and now, it was your turn.  Your turn, to be consecrated, to dedicate your life towards this faith, this God - the Word that was and is and will be - this Christ, who makes all things new - that we believe in.  Of course, I firmly believe that you have been God's child, all this time. I simply have the privilege of loving you and taking care of you while we walk this Earth.

There are moments, shattering moments, where the love I have for you is so wide and deep that whoever I was before you arrived, fades away, and I am merely an earthbound mama, a woman who will give her life for yours.  They say that your fumbling understanding of God's love changes when you become a parent, and I can testify to that.  It is as if I now have a wide-angle lens, and I see a sliver of the panoramic cosmic scene, a whole new solar system. God's love is so extravagant and extraordinary, and for some crazy reason, he loves us. The wonderment I experience, when I look at you and puzzle over the fact that I grew this YOU in my own body, that love borne love - I know the magnitude of love I feel towards you is just a fluttering of His great love for all of us. After all, the act of creating a child is exactly that - a creative act - and I imagine God at work, with his great paintbrush, his whizzing, dazzling mysterious ways, shaping your soul. 

When we baptized you, it was a symbolic gesture, but symbols hold great power.  Choosing to baptize you as a tiny baby affirms our belief in God's ongoing promise towards you, towards all of us. And believe me, in this world we live, we need this hope.  Our hope is that you will grow up in this atmosphere of love, and whatever path you go on, you will never remember feeling anything but loved, loved so powerfully that you cannot imagine any way other than a life with God.  He will always be with you, and we do hope and pray that you will joyfully choose Him, as easy and naturally as you reach for us, that you will reach towards a loving God.

I love you like crazy, sweet baby.

Love,
Mama

Comments

[Sabrina]

He is adorable! Congrats on 4 months!

[sw]

Amen, sister!! I love the way he lays his head on Husband/Daddy's chest. I loved watching him at the service Sunday night.

[becca]

i realize that i will *never* be able to write about my own babies the way you are able to capture yours in such a perfectly descriptive way...he will treasure these one day..and you will treasure them always.

maybe i'll just commission YOU to write about my babies when the time comes!

[m~]

Oh Sam, you have such a way with words. I love to look as that sweet baby he is truly a gift from God. Do treasure every moment. I still kiss my manchild's feet and yes, they are bigger than my head.

[lizardek]

4 months already?! How can that be!

[marcia]

Oh, darling. Thank you always for the picutres of that sweet boy. Love, love, love seeing him (and his sweet family). The baptism picture is just almost more than I can take. That wise, world-weary-but-open, sweet look on his face is just breathtaking. Much love to you all.

[Elizabeth]

What an eloquent description of baptism and your parental love as a glimpse of God's love!

[Marilyn]

Oh, Sam, this made me tear up. Thomas is one very lucky boy...because it seems to me that you baptize him in life lessons with each of these truly beautiful letters. I can't imagine that decades from now--when he reads them and looks back on his childhood--he will be anything less than in awe that his mother was able to so eloquently capture the love that is motherhood for her.

P.S. And I love the tongue photo. :) xoxo

[el-e-e]

WOW. That last part about the baptism and choosing God... got me RIGHT HERE.

What a sweet picture, too.

[Nancy]

Loved reading your post tonight... I am right there with you about learning about God's love by being a mama.... That's when I became a Christian. Thanks for reminding me what it's all about.