Sunday School Rebel

Thomas Tuesdays: the perfect son, obviously

perfect son, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

I always get such a warm and squishy feeling when Thomas wears this T-shirt. I wish I would've bought one in every size. It was one of those things that I picked up before he was born, as I was changing my girly baby clothes focus to the boyside. When I saw this shirt, it made me cry right there in the baby Gap, because of course he was already perfect. I'm not one to strive towards personal perfection...I don't think, even though I do like things in my own certain way and will put off doing creative things until the moment is, well, perfect, or I have all the right supplies. (Therefore, I often don't start on anything.) I've learned that when "perfect" is used in Scripture it means "complete." And so that's what I like to think about - I don't expect or see perfection, which is so very uptight of a word, rather, I think he's wonderfully whole and complete and just plain awesome.

Or more like, awesome, a thousand fireworks worth of awesome.

Update on the transistion to his crib: we're doing well. The first night (Saturday) was far too good to last - he woke up twice, around 11:30 and 4:30. I went to him at 11:30 and fed him, and his daddy went to him at 4:30, then again at 5:30, and we brought him into our bed. Sunday night was okay, with another two wakeups, but at 2:30 he wouldn't stay asleep in the crib, so in our bed he went. Pretty much the same story last night, there's just something about 2:30 a.m., it seems. We still feel good in that he's spending part of the night in his own bed, and we'll have to figure out how to deal with the 2:30 a.m. complication. Still, even half the night is major progress.

One thing that's will be great about the focused-going-to-bed thing is that we can have a special routine. We're not at the point where we need nightly baths but I would like to start reading a story, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Gorilla, something. What sort of things do (or did) you do with your little ones to get them headed towards dreamland?

experiment

experiment, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

There is nothing like snuggling with my wee one, the sweet sleep of a babe in the crook of my arm. Watching my son wear the same expression in his sleep as his daddy, this unmistakable pair. Even better is the waking up - not too early - to the happy face, the funny jabbering.

But then there is the waking up, too early, or all night. Lately it doesn't seem like Thomas is sleeping well, and nursing just for the sake of nursing and not hunger, and since he's not sick, we're thinking that maybe it's just time. Time to try. Time to set our baby bird in his own comfy nest. It's possible that he'll sleep better, away from our grown up snoring. While I do expect he'll wake up during the night, maybe it will be manageable. I don't love the idea of stumbling out of bed with sandpaper eyes, but sometimes, you simply must try a different tactic.

Make no mistake. I'm really going to miss him. I mean, who doesn't enjoy tiny toenails digging into your stomach, or very special hair pulling sessions? But oh, really, I will miss him. We'll see how it goes.

Thomas Tuesdays: pretending it's still Tuesday edition

a nap on the floor, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

Yesterday he collapsed in a heap of tears, only to fall asleep minutes later.  Sometimes, his napping schedule is odd.  I didn't feel like possibly waking him up by putting him in his crib, so I simply shifted him to the living room floor.  His dimpled deliciousness called to me, and I ended up waking him by taking pictures - my camera is loud. 

Thanks for all of your kind comments on the previous post.  You really do know how to make a girl feel heard, and a little less crazy.

hunger and thirst

Somewhere, I feel like the thread of this blog is dissolving into nothing more than a glorified place to showcase pictures of my kid.  And while he is awfully cute, I really am about more than that.  It's an easy way out, a cheap shot, and it's one more thing that makes me feel like I've lost my way. 

That sounds rather sad, but I'm not sad.  It's not as simple as that, and while I'm here puzzling over who I am now, I'm really quite happy.  But there are empty places, spots that used to be full that are potholes on my footpath now.  I created a lot of space to deal with new motherhood, space to figure it out for myself, in my own time and way.  I cleared my schedule as much as possible, so that when I wasn't working, I could focus on being home and soaking up every minute of my son's babyhood.  All of that is (and was) well and good, but now I'm finding we can manage with going out more, in fact, the kid quite likes an outing now and then.  It's taken me this long to feel as though I could handle it, to relish in letting the outside in, the need for more than my four walls. 

I find myself yearning for many things all at once, a mysterious, searching sort of hunger.  I want to create art and immerse myself in story and yet there is only so much time for these things, whatwith a little escape artist under my feet.  I feel dry, spiritually speaking, and hungry for such things as hymns and the Word. 

There's no time to make this perfect.  I only wanted to share it with you, an acknowledgement of the reality of things.  I really am happy, and much of my life is filled with joy, distilled sunshine indeed, and I glory in these days where my baby is small and needs me so much.  It's all going far too quickly for my liking.  Perhaps I am longing for the shadows against the light, the deep meaty stuff of quest and my journey.  Perhaps it's just not time for those things, right now.  It will be time, again.  Or maybe it is time to pick certain things back up, emerge back into the questions and messy details of life.  There is no perfect moment, no cue from the stage manager, only my own intuition and spirit telling me to find the water I'm seeking. 

seriously, the best picture I took all day

seriously, the best picture I took all day, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

All of a sudden, I'm so tired that I could collapse into a sleeping heap right here at the computer desk. I got all Valentine'd out yesterday, whatwith preschool festivities and the seeming hundreds of hearts I cut out for decorations. Bad wife that I am, I didn't even make (or buy) a card for my husband.

What I really came to tell you is this: my sweet co-teacher gave me this stuffed puppy for Thomas, and when I got home, I said, "Let Daddy help you name your puppy." I did this because I am naming FIEND, I love to name things, and I figured it was time to share.

My husband named the stuffed puppy, oh yes he did. He named it "Beefcake."

Thomas Tuesday: stroller edition

boy-o, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

Yesterday, we took advantage of the temperate weather and went for a short walk.  Getting Thomas into his stroller is a bit like wrestling an octopus - it's a complicated sort of stroller, which was meant for outings like mountain marathons, but the roughest terrain we navigate is off the side of our country road.  Today I'm even happier we got out yesterday, as we've been under severe weather watches all afternoon, and it hailed not too long ago.  It seems there is always some threat of dangerous weather on Tuesdays and Thursdays, right when I need to be in class.

In other news, Thomas is pulling up on absolutely everything - chairs, the TV stand, various boxes and bookshelves.  He's also increased his crawling speed to at least 30 miles per hour - so, as you can imagine, I need eyes in the back of my head these days.  Or at least a sheepdog, capable of herding a very curious six month old. 

A Thomas Thursday, to make up for missing Tuesday

bath time, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

I am apparently too old for a quick jaunt out of town. Why else would I feel so tired from a single night out, sleeping in an uncomfortable hotel room bed, and jumping right back into my routine - maybe it's just that our happening was at the beginning of the week, and I've had no weekend to recover. Not to mention getting a flat tire on the way to Birmingham, along with a second bad tire that had to be replaced the next day - oh, and leaving the charger to my electric breast pump in our hotel room.

All of this to say, a real post about The Concert is coming, and soon. As soon as I feel I can write about the very best musical experience of my life with some sort of coherency. It was amazing, I promise you, and every wonky thing was worth it. I'm just worn out from the combination of all the amazingness and the mundane - in short, life.

tomorrow night....

tomorrow night, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

we'll be in Birmingham...revelling in the sounds of my very favorite band, Over the Rhine..full update when we return home...

playing with paints

playing with paints, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

(This is day 2 of 30 Tiny Moments for me - I am not pressuring myself to post to my blog each day, but I would like to try...but last night SOMEONE kept waking up and I laid down with him and fell asleep by 9:30...)

When my darling, beloved Michelle posted this poem, I left her a comment saying, "This is going in my new journal."  There was so much that I loved about this poem, especially the line "become a student of grace" - everything about it was journal-worthy.  In some small way, it gives me a sense of planting a seed for whoever finds this journal o' mine in the years to come - I imagine they will wonder, who is this poet? And hop onto the future version of Google and be led to Michelle's work - a neat, tidy Internet circle.  It gives me a thrill. (Of course, she could be so well known that future Google is not even necessary...)

I did write the poem down, weeks ago, but yesterday I started playing around with simply doodling and painting my doodles in with watercolors.  The page with the poem felt empty and blank, calling out for roses and life...

friday unravelling

happy flowers, originally uploaded by sundayschoolrebel.

I've joined Jessica's 30 Tiny Moments, inspired by Amanda of Soulemama, (also here, don't you want to join, too?) in the hopes that it will remind me to wield my awesome new camera on a more routine basis, and also take pictures of something else besides my adorable child. 

Baby toys! A step in the right direction, right?

Today was one of those days - my energetic, shall we say, preschoolers were grating on my nerves, maybe it had something to do with those homemade king cakes we made (really just cinnamon rolls with glittery sprinkles, a total departure from our usual healthy snack).  After hauling the last child in their respective carseat (and one nanny who tried to drive away with me in the process of bucking a kid in, that was FUN!), it was time to run a few errands.  Apparently, I ran one too many, a rather selfish one - a snack from the drive-thru.  As we inched along the interstate lane to the exit, Thomas began a spectacular crying fest - bless his heart, he was hungry. (Funny moment:  when he spit out his pacifer, he attempted to suck on his own foot.) He cried, bitterly, for the whole ten minute drive home, and was only consoled when I rushed him inside and got him fed.  I sat there, nursing him and feeling like a terrible, selfish mother, because I really didn't NEED that snack. In the midst of eating, he looked up at me and grinned.  Minutes later he was laughing and jolly - all was forgiven.  Forgotten.   The grace that comes with this stage is deep, indeed.