Things that have made me cry in the past 24 hours:
Things that have made me cry in the past 24 hours:
Here we are, right on the brink of TWO, my sweet son. I can't believe it. I'm terribly excited and yet more than a little sad that my baby is really no longer a baby. I guess we'll have to stop referring to you as The Baby but I don't know that I can. You'll just have to be The Baby until another one arrives, which is who knows when but definitely NOT anytime soon. There are many braver people out there than your daddy and I, and also we're very selfish. We want to bask in your solo sun for a little longer.
Another obssesion: brushing your teeth. You say, "Teeth, teeth" and run off to your bathroom, to climb on your stool and try to grab your tootbrushes. That's right, you have two toothbrushes. I discovered the secret to painless tooth brushing sessions: I let you have one and you brush away. I give you a head start, and then I take the second toothbrush and give you a official brushing. Then you push your stool over by the potty, flush the potty whether it needs it or not, and we're done. Your Dah and and I have started locking the bathroom door, because you'd discovered the joy of throwing toliet paper in the potty. You are curious about the potty, but I am not rushing you into toliet training. That's probably the thing that scares me the most about you turning TWO, is that we will have to start all that, and I just don't want to think about it quite yet. Mostly because I want to make sure it's YOUR idea, otherwise it's never going to work.
I hate the word diet. It's such a loaded word. In my mind, it means all sorts of things, most of which equals nothing fun. Even if you go to the other end of the spectrum and say lifestyle change, that can make one feel hopeless, too, as if cheesecake is expressly forbidden until you hit the great banquet in the sky. I believe in being happy, and not depriving yourself - life is too short, right? I think I'm such an atypical woman in today's society, in that I didn't spend my teenage years dieting, nor my early 20's. I've never been obsessed with calories or fat grams. I've had a very healthy self image and was always really happy about my body - except my thighs, they've always been my weak spot. (Of course, I spent my childhood hearing my mother lament her thighs, so I think I just picked up the mindset from her.) And can I just say, my mom was HOT my entire childhood? She exercised very regularly and was just gorgeous. Her thighs were just FINE, I tell you. I still think she's absolutely beautiful, for what it's worth.
The only time I've ever harnessed myself to any sort of reasonable eating plan was to lose weight for our wedding, and hello, we're here again. This time it's my brother (my BABY brother!) getting married, and I'm to be a bridesmaid. I simply will not be The Fat Bridesmaid, thank you. The last time I was a bridesmaid I was hugely pregnant, and didn't give a whig if I looked fat. Actually, I refuse to call pregnant women fat, because they're NOT, they're simply carrying around another human being. I feel like it totally disrespects the glory of pregnancy to categorize that state as "fat" - so wrong!
This time, though, I really do need to lose the weight. I'm heavier than I've ever been in an unpregnant state. I'm tired of feeling unpretty and not recognizing myself in the mirror. There are almost no pictures of me with my own child, which is very sad, but I just can't handle looking this way. My total disregard for calories and fat grams is quite apparent, and so that's why Beaux and I have teamed up together for The South Beach Diet, round two. You can see how I felt about round one in this old post. (How funny it is to read that letter, if only to realize that we were doing the exact same thing 4 years ago. Also, I'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince before the movie comes out next week - trippy, right?)
Right now we're in the second week of phase one, which is so much better than week one of phase one, because that is just pure hell. Last week I had a very hard day - I was emotional and hormonal, as we're slowly transitioning to less and less nursing, too- and it felt like I was in a never ending black-and-white movie, with no pretty chocolate or special treat to look forward to - I sincerely didn't know how much I was depending on food to alter my mood. And good heavens, my eating choices are so much better these days. It's frustrating, having a limited amount of foods to choose from - and God help me, I am very tired of eggs. SO TIRED. But anything is better than the endless cycle of sugar crashes and highs - not that I sit around and stuff my face with candy, but sugar is in EVERYTHING you don't prepare yourself. Which I'm sure you already know, because you are all very smart people.
Already, I can tell a difference in my energy levels. There have been some days where I needed a nap, but for the most part I am cruising along, feeling just fine. No more afternoon slump and coffee to prop me up. Beaux and I have discussed how it's easier to eat less when things don't taste so amazing that you have to have just one more helping, just one more bite. I mean, really! We are having all sorts of deep thoughts over here. While it's a difficult adjustment at first, and we've done some tweaking along the way - like I just can't give up my fat free creamer, I'm sorry, but NO - we know we're eating so much better. It's a huge improvement, nutrition wise. We take comfort in knowing that our little stumbles along the way are still so much better than our former way of eating. And I really couldn't do this without Beaux, who keeps me honest, and who makes the majority of all these damn salads we're eating.
Still, next week looms like Christmas in my mind, when I can eat - without guilt - FRUIT! and maybe a whole wheat bagel. And we'll go off the diet a bit for a certain someone's 2nd birthday next week - I'm already dreaming of birthday cupcakes. I don't even really love cupcakes, and will endeavour to make them healthier. But still. CUPCAKES. Viva la birthday! Or at least Monday. I really can't wait until Monday.