Sunday School Rebel

house hunting blues

I knew that house-hunting could break your heart and ruin your sanity, but I didn't expect to happen to me so quickly. Oh, I jest, but last week was a serious roller coaster. We found a lovely house and were in love with it. No one warned me not to set my heart on something so quickly.  Too late - I had already bonded with the birdhouses* in the back yard. When we sat back and looked at the cold hard facts of the situation, it hurt deeply. I was very sad last week, to say the least. 

Thomas in the back yard, while we were waiting for gas to be turned on

The big drawback is that this house is a foreclosure. Sure, you can get a great deal, but they are altogether more tricky to buy, and if there is anything that needs to be fixed or repaired, it's up to you. It's like buying a house from yourself, really. We were going to have to sink some serious cash into the house before signing closing papers, due to the sort of loan we have. We looked at our bank account and what needed to be done and it wasn't going to work out. (As well as buy several big appliances to live in the house, you know, a refrigerator is rather essential.) Not to mention, the realtor attached to the house seems to be completely uninterested in selling the house. I could list all his transgressions, but I want to stay in a positive place. We rushed around getting the gas turned on for a home inspection, Beaux went over and fit the stove into the counter (long story why that wasn't done), and we had an inspection date. That had to be cancelled. And the next one had to be cancelled. The electricity never got turned on (the bank's responsibility, i.e., the sucky realtor) and was going to take another week to get turned on. We took that last bit as a sign and I felt peace when we made the decision, immediate peace. I already have a list of five houses we're going to tour on Thursday afternoon. 

Of course, checking my saved listings, I see they've dropped the price on "our" house. Bastards!

So, really, I do ask for your best advice on all of this. I am going to try very hard not to get emotionally attached again. This is pretty much impossible, since you have visualize yourself in the space. But I want to be smart! But I don't want to buy something that doesn't rock my world, you understand. I am definitely feeling hopeful and trusting that something beautiful awaits, if I can only make it through the process without developing a drinking habit or needing a prescription for pills that make things seem a little more blurry. 

The good news is that we have a smart, capable realtor who we adore. She is kind and understands us and isn't trying to make us buy a house beyond our means. I am thankful for that. She also answers emails and phone calls with lightning speed, which is what you want in a realtor. 

I plan to come back tomorrow and talk about what I've read in the first two months of the year. Two posts in two days! I might just break the whole Internet with such foolishness! 

*You thought I was kidding about the birdhouse, didn't you? 

 

12of12: february: bonus baby content

Holy moly, am I behind or what? Forgive me. The weeks like to run away with themselves around here, all while I am running to the bank for a cashier's check, making three thousand phone calls...yes, we've put in an offer on a house! Say a little prayer...but in the meantime, here's my contribution for 12of12, brainchild of the awesome Gretchen...

Last Saturday, I was in West Point, MS (and Columbus) to be with my brother, sister-in-law, and mom - not to mention - new baby Ellie! I will add some pictures of her at the bottom of the post because oh mercy, she is a beautiful child. I drove up on Friday morning, with This American Life keeping me company along the time-warp 2.5 hour drive. Seriously, this drive feels so much longer than 2 hours, mostly because there is nothing to see along the way except trees. I like trees very much, but after awhile you start to feeling like surely you're driving in a big circle. I truly think there is some Bermuda Triangle effect happening. I ended up spending the night with my mom at Chris and Phoebe's apartment in Columbus. Beaux was a super trooper and stayed home with our wild thing. 

(For the life of me, I can't find a way to have my pictures be in sequential order, or all the same size. They don't offer that option on Picasa. Other 12of12ers, what do you use?)

1. Reflection of my Chucks as we sit in the waiting room. Sometimes a new mama needs a little space. 

2. My beautiful Mama, Lovie extraordinary. She is such a gift in these newborn days. She is deeply committed to helping out her children this first week or so (though she would stay forever) as we adjust to life with a new baby. I seriously don't know how people make it without someone in the house to cook and clean and baby whisper. She could do this for a living, really! A great retirement option...

3. My brother's apartment doesn't have laundry options, so we ended up hauling several loads of laundry to West Point (where Phoebe, my SIL, and Ellie were in hospital). This is one of the awesome dryers. 

4. Phoebe is a crafty goddess. She painted this owl picture for Ellie's nursery. I adore it. 

5. This table, at the laundromat, was nothing but amazing. You all know that turquoise is my favorite color, ever, right? Now I dream of possessing one. It's so much fun to have items in mind when you're out thrift shopping...even though I looked up new ones and they are super expensive. 

6. Stopped at an Indian burial mound marker on my way out of West Point. This was a site of the Chickasaw tribe. Indian burial mounds are so mysterious. I wonder if the houses nearby have weird stuff happening...I wouldn't want to live near one! Give the ancients their space...

7. Hard to tell, but I spotted the moon in the sky while I was snooping around the laundromat taking pictures. Since I got the moon last in January's 12, I thought it was perfect that she showed up for February, too. 

8. Thomas "reading" from In the Night Kitchen, Saturday night. He loves that book so. I just had to order our own copy since we've renewed it twice from the library and it must go back. 

9. Driving home. The afternoon light was dazzling, and the sunbeams made this rope of light reflecting off the windshield. I love how a photo cements a moment in your memory. 

10. The side of a building in West Point. It says "Mississippi's Ceramics Supply". I totally wanted to poke around in there! 

11. Loved this handpainted store window right by the laundromat. Jim's Tires didn't look like it had been open for business in awhile. 

12. Snow on the ground in Columbus. It snowed heavily on Wednesday, and there was still snow on the ground for days afterward. 

I was glad I got to capture this out-of-the-ordinary day for 12of12. I took many more interesting pictures the day before but tried to play by the rules this time. 

And now, because you know I can't help it: 

She is unbelievably beautiful. Perfect and wee in every way. A true pixie girl. 

I have such clear memories of the night my baby brother was born. I remember waiting in the hospital to see him for the first time. Now he has a baby of his own. That crazy circle of life...

We are so thrilled to have a new baby in the family. 

 

the full cupboard of life

Once again, I stay away from this blessed blank page too long and can't fathom how to come back. When it's really just so simple, to start typing and see what letters combine, twisting into a few feeble words. 

Oh, life! The full cupboard of life. So many, many things happening around here and also, the sweet peace of ordinary days. Today it's rainy and possibly icy and we are staying inside with no plans for leaving. Our pajamas are warm, the fridge is full, tomato soup and grilled cheese is sounding like the best plan ever. Maybe a showing of Out of Africa or 500 Days of Summer. I am beginning to long for summer, as crazy as that sounds. Summer is so dreadfully hot and sweaty and relentless, but I suppose it is human nature to want something that isn't what we have right now. But I miss luscious green leafy trees, lacy pink flowers bending in the wind, my little boy's skin brown and hair golden. Sometimes I even think I miss the damn humidity. 

I continue to delight in taking pictures every single day. It really is giving me so much joy, to snap bits and pieces of our life and send them out, pixels scattering over the wires and waves. I want to hang on to what is right now, even if I do long for warmth and blue pools and flipflops. I want to remember Thomas in all his 3-1/2 maddening glory, even the days where he nearly causes a crisis of faith. The way he plays and uses his imagination, the way he tries to get out of trouble (as I wrote that, a Frisbee crashed over my head!) by saying "I wuv you, Mama" and hugging my neck and covering my face in kisses. Last night I took a long video of him 'reading' Where the Wild Things Are. 

 

My new most favorite picture of him, ever. Thomas in all his Thomas-ness. 

Beaux and I are totally obsessed with this amazing new-to-us Chinese restaurant. It's right in the middle of an Oriental Market (that's what they call it, so I'm not trying to be offensive). Everything is fresh and not-so-Americanized. Thomas loves it, too, because instead of sitting at the table waiting for food I take him back and see the fishes. "Hi, fishies!" he yells as he runs to where they are. 

Last time we went, there was a big box of frogs placidly sitting in an open box, patiently awaiting their fate. 

My creative adventure is creaking along slowly. It is so much fun to spend an hour or two at my table, but I am not a good student these days. It is so hard to give myself permission to play, to be less than perfect. I don't know why I expect to be good at this. I have a whole new respect for artists who wield paints and create whole new worlds with brushes. It is stunningly hard. But so much fun, when I let myself wade into the mess and coax what is waiting to come forth. 

The good thing is that Misty plans to leave up our lessons for awhile after class ends, so I can go back and work on things as I feel ready, or have a few days of time. Thomas is way past due for a weekend away with Lovie and Gramps, but life is busy and Lovie has a lot on her plate! Not to mention Gramps is getting busy with the house renovation taking off...

But the real excitement is that we're all waiting for the arrival of my first niece...yes, actually, there are no nieces on either side, and it feels more real that it's MY baby brother and his wife waiting on their little lovebomb to emerge into the world. It all feels suddenly real - a whole new person to join our family, yes really! - and I am seriously excited. Last weekend there was a baby shower and Mom and I drove to Columbus (a deadly boring drive) with the car loaded down with goodies. I made a wreath and had so much fun pulling together all the fabrics and colors. 

 

I have also been knitting little hats, which makes me happy. Preparing for a sweet niece is definitely stoking the fires of my own baby fever. Shhhh, don't tell Beaux. (Oh, he knows.) 

I am not forgetting my word for the year - stretching is happening all the time! I am a finding a rhythm of moving this body - Zumba classes two mornings a week, and yoga on Wednesday mornings. This week I pushed myself back to the treadmill for two sessions and felt SO good about it. (Except for when I somehow flipped my phone, which I use for music of course while running, OFF the treadmill and it flew across the room! Ack! Miraculously un-smashed, thank you Jesus.) I am loving Zumba so much - it's so much FUN. Having this much fun while sweating enough to smell like an old dirty dog should be against the law. I get the giggles, shaking my booty and hips so blatantly. And for someone who really can't dance, I am catching on! I'm definitely not the worst in the class, I tell you. 

Yoga is something else entirely. I do like it so very much. I find it really does help connect my mind and heart to my body. Last week, I had a mini-breakdown over my own limitations. Not only am I surrounded by limber, whippet-thin girls who flip their bodies around with ease, but my own body literally gets in the way. It's so frustrating. I sank into the mully-grubs and laughed at myself - who gets mad at YOGA? A few emails later, I was feeling better. Working on it daily, or at least more than once a week, will help tremendously. I just have to gird up my courage and work on it. I tend to be very impatient with things that take practice - a lazy habit of being good in school and easily able to sail through most things. This week was a thousand times better and I find myself dreaming about going to real studio classes. 

Also, I've pledged on Goodreads to read SEVENTY FIVE(!) books this year. That is a big commitment, especially considering my count from last year was 57. I don't know why I feel like I pushing myself, but my book lust is something that continues, unabated. I want to get back in the habit of sharing what I've read here each month, because that is nothing but fun. Talking about books is one of the great joys of my life. When Josh and Angie were here for New Year's, we were busy talking about books and I said, "How do people who don't read enjoy life? What do they have to look forward to?" You know I love TV and movies just as much as the next person, but books are a holy sort of love and obsession. 

Oh! And in the other really big news - we are officially house-hunting. This week we met with a lender(!) and have a realtor who is emailing me listings. It's major. Like Beaux said, "It feels like having a baby. You don't think you're ready, but you just have to jump in with both feet." I thought that was a brilliant conclusion. It seems impossible that we are grown up enough for this step, and yet we are so over living in an apartment and paying someone else's mortgage. Just the idea of having our own garage where we don't get pelted with rain while running to the car - heaven on earth. I have a feeling I am going to start dreaming in paint colors. Or at the very least, signing big stacks of paper. 

Lately, I feel so satisfied and blessed to have the life I do. I am lucky and blessed, even on the days I feel lost and upside down and clumsy. Music and creating art and reading and taking the time to write restores me to myself, every single time. My dreams are still emerging and changing and I am leaning into the woman I want to be. I feel myself growing into who I really am, the core of my soul. So much richness. The privilege to co-create alongside the goodness of God is astounding. I don't want to let these days dribble away, but to snatch them up and sip the sweetness of living, of being loved every single day beyond my capacity, to find ways to let that love ebb back out into the waves of this world.