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Thursday, October 10, 2013



Sam, our hearts break with you, with every word. Everyone has to learn how to live with grief, and if they all had someone who led the way as gracefully as you are doing with THIS grief, the way would ease just that much more. Thank you for writing this.


First, I am so proud of you for writing. This was your promise; you have kept it. Secondly, I have felt the emptiness of death since I was six. My Granny Bessie died of breast cancer that year. Over the next 25 years of my life death slowly took my other grandmother, three great-grandparents, three uncles, William's uncle, William's grandmother. They are all gone. I wept. But I got up the next morning, cried and continued living. Living changed for me a month and a half ago.

I remember it very clearly. For me, my nightmare started Tuesday. My uncle was found dead in his bed. I left work, drove my mom home, cleaned her house, and cried in the closet-her father figured was gone, I had to be strong for her. I got up Wednesday to go to work; I could handle it. Then I got her text. I couldn't breathe. I shook. This, which I had felt was going to be bad for weeks, this reality, I could not handle. William drove me to the doctor.

I mourned that entire month. I threw up the night before her funeral. I cry myself to sleep many nights. I constantly worry about Michael. I knew her only 6 years, and this emptiness is like no other I've ever felt.

I didn't know it had consumed me until someone wrote it on my Facebook wall. So, I decided not to write those feelings anymore. I realized that something cannot consume me unless I allow myself to be consumed. So, how do I handle the emptiness? It remains with me daily. Sam, I don't know where we go from here, I do know that filling my aching emptiness with digital conversations wit her loved ones is the most consoling ointment I've found. You, Mike, Angie, Nikki. You're the little bit of her I've got left. You're the gifts I got from loving her. You're what I scroll my screen looking for.

This was a complete rambling of nothingness. I know not if it will help you. But I will be selfish and thank you for helping me.

Write on,


I can't imagine the kind of pain and unreality you are experiencing. The only person I've ever lost is my grandmother, years ago. The oddest sensation is that the wold keeps going on. I would look at people grocery shopping, or mailing packages and think, they just keep going on like there hasn't been a rending in the fabric of life.

When I converted to Catholicism I was introduced to the idea of the communion of the saints. The idea that those in heaven are even more alive, because they are complete. That doesn't help much when you're in grief, but what did help me with missing my grandmother, was that she could hear me and pray for me. These years later, when my grief has subsided to a faint ache, it's nice to know I can talk to her and she hears me. But when you're drowning in the deep well of grief, I don't know whether it will help you or not. Love you Sam.


I just erased a very long comment.
Sweet friend. Nothing really helps in the beginning. It's very shocking and final and it takes a while to sink in.
What helps? Faith. Talking about her to people. Talking to her (because she is there with you all the time). Keeping her memory alive - because she was a huge part of your life.
I'm always here if you need to talk.
Sorry your heart is hurting. It truly sucks.


Sam, Sometimes I wish I was a beginner at grief. I have lost all my grandparents, both parents, my brother, and my friend. These days...I'm old-hand at this. I will say that it doesn't matter whether you're a beginner or an expert. It hurts, it will always hurt. Carrie was such an incredible person. You were very blessed to have her in your life for so many years. I had her in mine for only a few but she made such an impact that she will be in my life in my heart forever. I cannot count the number of times she told me about you, and how important you were to her. You don't need me to tell you how much she loved you but I suppose it doesn't hurt to hear again :) You have a true gift with words and I really look forward to that book about your friendship!


I have tried to sift through the losses I have endured in my life...there have been people: grandparents, an aunt, an uncle, acquaintances that have been close to my own age, long-ago lost friends from high school...they all leave a gap and they have all given me pause and grief. But to lose a best friend? I can't compare. The hardest loss I had was when I miscarried. Sarah was only one, and that was HARD. It was hard even to be excited for the next pregnancy. It took work to be happy about that. I still don't think it compares. That baby, was my baby, but we never had conversations, I never shared my soul. That is what best friends are for. I really can't imagine your grief. Sending you SO MUCH LOVE, this was a beautiful post, Sam.

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